Sunday, July 23, 2006

Don't mess with Ms. Manners

My mother always told me to be polite. Growing up in the South, manners are not optional. You treat anyone who happens to be even a few years older than you are with the utmost respect. I've taken this to an absurd level, frequently allowing people to treat me poorly while still smiling. Even now, I have a really hard time calling an "adult" by their first name unless they specifically request it. Regardless of how ridiculous that sounds, I maintain that manners are a good thing. Sometimes I think this might make me a little bit boring. For instance, although I come up with many a rude, offensive comeback line, I never deliver one. Okay, maybe if someone is my really good friend and I know they can handle it. But I can only think of a few times even that has happened. So, in light of my inability to actually say what's in my head, instead I will play out a situation that infuriated me today, and in italics will be what I wish I would have said.

Setting: Stern Grove Festival, during intermission. Our heroine is braving the crowds in an effort to retrieve the typically generous donations of a crowd that is happily enjoying a world-class concert, free of admission charges.

Characters: Our fearless heroine and one former coworker from an organic produce stand. Our heroine is wearing a bright blue smock, carrying a plastic box with a large, red balloon attached. She ascends a steep, wooded hill, yelling to people at the top of her lungs. The coworker, it should be noted, has a dream of running a non-profit of some variety. She prides herself on her social awareness and high ideals for humanity.

AND SCENE

Coworker: (enters, screaming at the top of her lungs) SNAIL! I was hoping to see you here! (throws her arms around our heroine)

Snail: Coworker! What a pleasant surprise! Would you like to donate a dollar and keep the Festival free? We'll give you a sticker!

Coworker: (dramatic pause, rolls her eyes) Dude, it's a FREE festival.

Snail: (in her most official informative voice) Well, actually the Festival is admission-free, but it costs 2.5 million dollars each year to produce. None of the artists we present to you perform for free and...

Coworker: (interrupts) Well, you'd think they would give their time for this!

Snail: Well, as a performing musician myself, I can tell you that we'd often love to play for free, but unfortunately we have to pay rent and eat as much as lawyers and bankers.

Coworker: I guess, but really, isn't it all about sharing the love? I mean, it's just an hour of their time. If they cared about society, they'd just give their time for everyone's enjoyment. People in other countries are starving. It's a privelege for these people to get to "play" music for a living.

Snail: I don't think they'd consider it a privelege to come and "share the love" with people who possess the degree of ignorance that you have just demonstrated. And honestly, the next time I require your opinion, I'll kick it out of you. I have to go collect more donations now. Enjoy the rest of the show.

AND SCENE

1 comment:

Mair said...

I'm a-coming out there to kick her, too.