An Ode to MUNI*

When I climb aboard to go on a lark
My reasoning is this: I won't have to park.
And what a surprise I find through your doors!
People in costumes, in threes or in fours!
A man in a tutu, for no obvious reason
Except, of course, this: Why not? It's the season!
Three babies are screaming, their mothers ignore them.
Teenagers are shrieking, old ladies deplore them.
The busdriver makes a wrong turn down on Haight Street
A chorus of Chinese and Russian: "You're dead meat!"
The Noriega old-lady brigade's all a-flutter
(Imagine a hundred old, cranky grandmothers)
And their voices swell up like a chorus of bees
Their disgust well-expressed through Russian and Chinese.
A man climbs on board with ten bags and a cat,
Tells me I'm pretty, and offers his lap.
I decline most politely and then look away,
Then he says to me, "Bitch, you're not hot, and I'm gay!"
As he tells me I'm phobic for not sitting down
A woman appears who is dressed like a clown.
He offers his lap and at once down she sits
And he glares at me and says "Her ass is smaller, she fits."
Another old woman is staring my way
And says really loudly, "I'm having a bad day!
I just left the psych ward, and now I am sent
To see my parole officer who'll probably vent
About my most recent foray into crime!
I only stabbed three folks! And they've given me time!
Can you believe that? It's ironic, I know,
There's a war in Iraq! And we should overthrow
Our government here! But instead, no, we worry
About how many people I stab, kill, and bury!"
Thank god, it's my stop! I run for the door
But slip on someone else's ice cream on the floor.
I fall down the stairs, my elbow I knock,
A man behind says, "Hey, the door you do block!"
I rise to my feet and I exit the bus
While the people behind me all whine and all fuss.
Oh MUNI, without you how boring I'd be!
My life would pass by with less odd company.
And yet, still I love you and daily I ride
And daily await what new wonders inside.
Oh MUNI, good wishes to you I now send
As I climb back on and this poem I end.



*All events depicted are true, though they did not necessarily take place during a single MUNI adventure.