The Siren Call of Hawaiian Print

I will never understand what it is that people love so much about Hawaiian music. Seriously. That stuff is WAAAY too pleasant. I'm not saying that all music needs to be riddled with angst and melodrama. In fact, I found the "emo" craze in 2000-ish maddening. Come on, people. Really. Is it so tragic to be a 17-year-old upper-middle-class white kid? Even if your 15-year-old girlfriend just dumped you? I didn't think so.

But back to Hawaiian music. I recognize that I'm a music snob. And I am totally cognizant of the fact that most people will never share my taste in music. But there is something about Hawaiian music that reminds me of aspartame. You know, like nutra-sweet. It's not sugar, and somehow it tastes sweeter than sugar, and there's that weird chemical aftertaste. It doesn't seem to go away, no matter what you wash it down with. Even battery acid doesn't kill that crap.

But the weirdest thing about Hawaiian music? The fact that people feel this uncontrollable urge to wear "themed attire."

Let's back up for a moment. Today's Stern Grove concert featured two really lovely Hawaiian ensembles. Seriously, they put on terrific shows, and they were all more than polite backstage. Two guys from one of the acts even helped me lift heavy objects. Seriously above-and-beyond behavior. So this posting is not a criticism of them, or their talent, or their showmanship. I just don't happen to prefer their product.

And I hate Hawaiian print. With a passion. What I find infinitely worse, however, are the people who believe that their love of Hawaii is more poignantly expressed with each variety of contrasting print they wear. Bonus points for wearing a plastic/fake-flower lei. Double bonus points for an extremely large, tacky hat that prevents anyone seated behind you from being able to see. If your hat causes an altercation resulting in security involvement, more power to you. And if you can get a group of three or more to wear coordinating print shirts/skirts/jumpers, etc., well then you win.

So I say unto you, blog readers, the next time you find yourself in a store looking at any article of clothing bearing the image of large, brightly-colored flowers:

PUT

IT

DOWN.