Today marks the end of my six-month match.com subscription. I know many of you have done the internet dating thing, and let me tell you, it's... an experience. This past summer, the Summer Of Weddings, about one out of every three of the couples I played for met online. In my current office, the woman in the happiest (from the outside) relationship met her boyfriend online. So I know it can be done. And I met several very nice people. But folks, I also met some real... characters. And I cannot
cannot
deny you the pleasure of a little pained laughter at my expense. Because we've all been there. So, without further ado, the top ten
WORST THINGS I WAS TOLD ON A MATCH.COM DATE
1. I'd give you a six out of ten.
2. I'm an art photographer. I'm really good. How would you feel about posing nude sometime?
3. So, when you say you haven't been in a relationship for a while, does that mean you're looking for a relationship now? Because, to be honest, I'm just looking to get laid.
4. I can tell that you're the kind of person who has a great personality, but you'll never stop traffic. You're just too short.
5. You know, I really like you, and we have great chemistry, but I can just tell that you're never going to want to have my children.
6. So, this one time my ex and I got high, and...
7. I was really drawn to your picture. You remind me of this cousin of mine...
8. You're a flutist? I used to play the tuba in high school. Actually, you're pretty tiny. I bet you'd fit inside my tuba case!!!
9. I'm getting a master's degree. Here's my resume. You should read it. I'd be a really great catch for a girl like you.
And last, but certainly not least:
10. You know, you're a really, really beautiful woman. I mean, you have a great body. But I can just tell that, once you get a rock on your finger, your ass is just going to start getting bigger...
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7 comments:
AHHH! Your labels sum up my feelings, though I have to say the tuba-case comment made me laugh. Perhaps he said it creepily?
Fucktards.
In the modified words of Oscar-award winning Natalie Maines, "I'm ashamed I have a Y chromosome."
Yesterday marked the end of of my subscription. Optimistically, some of those guys might just have sent messages to fulfill the monthly requirement for the guarantee.
From the male's point of view, I did 2 separate stints of 3 months, received 0 messages originating from women and only had 6 unique local person views each 3 months. I think there's a little too much one direction saturation. How often do y'all do your own searches? How often do y'all message first?
Oh, if only I could say that these were emails. But these were either via phone or in person. They'd already passed the email round. And I emailed first several times. So... what can I say? Weirdos flock to me like moths to a flame. I'm just that lucky!
Oh my god, #8 cracked me UP!! Ha. Hilarious. I really wish I had started blogging back in my match.com days, because now I can't remember the specifics of my own bad dates. Oy. I do recall one total redneck asking me if I enjoyed riverboats. Riverboats? There are no riverboats in Atlanta! (where I was living at the time). I'm sorry you didn't have the best experience with it - I'm one of the lucky ones who met my husband that way!
Seriously? WOW.
My real lowpoint of single-life occured in the middle of a dinner date. The guy said his 1st impression of me was that I was a lesbian.
Too shocked to even question WHY a straight man asked out a perceived lesbian in the first place (for fear of an honest, creepy answer), I found myself wishing I were, in fact, attracted to women.
Oh my. Just... oh my. I have spent about 8 months (off and on) on a different site, and I have plenty of weirdo stories, but NO comments as good (meaning awful) as those. I feel for you, girl!
Oh, MAN. What jerks!!! I hope you got the last word. That is a terrible way to treat someone. Jesus effing christ.
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