Hinging on the homestate

Come on, Virginia! Let's get those democratic votes in!

Let me just state, for the record, how much I dislike George Allen, the incumbent senatorial candidate who currently appears to be losing. He was Virginia's governor when I was in high school, so I have a longstanding dislike of the man. The summer prior to my senior year, I was "nominated" to attend Girls' State, a week-long version of my personal hell. The premise of Girls' State was that we'd set up a mock government to learn how governments of all levels function. In reality, Girls' State was an excuse to remind us that we were inferior as females. We were required to wear skirts with stockings at all times, all dormitory rooms were inspected nightly for neatness... the list is endless, really. I've honestly blocked out most of the rules, but trust me. I had exactly zero friends for that week. I was miserable.

The upside, however, is that one of my all-time proudest moments occurred at Girls' State. Then-Governor George Allen came to speak to us. He droned on for over an hour about the evils of young people today, blah blah blah. I was just nodding off into the world of daydreams when suddenly he began to yap about teen pregnancy. He wanted, he said, to implement public school programs to teach young women about the inherent evils of sex. Young women had to learn that teen pregnancy was an issue over which they were solely responsible. Abortion was just a teen girl's way of avoiding the consequences of her sins, and birth control merely a tool to allow those sins to fester, unchecked. Abstinence, the only real option, was left in a woman's hands. Men were incapable of checking their urges, etc. As he talked, my astonishment grew. This moron was standing in front of 2,000 rising seniors who possessed the highest academic honors in the state. I mean, be mindful of your audience! After he finished telling us how much God and all the world hated us for being girls, he continued talking about the car tax, or some other inane topic. Finally, Q&A time was announced. Several girls asked questions about what it was like to be governor, when he had first wanted to pursue a career in politics. I couldn't believe no one was bringing up the horridly insulting diatribe ended only moments before. So, as primly as I could, I raised my hand. And someone called on me. My heart was pounding.

Good afternoon, Governor. Thank you for coming to speak to us today. I was fascinated by your plan to educate young women about our responsibilities in the issue of teen pregnancy. I was wondering, however, if you planned to initiate a similar program for young men, so that they too can be honored with the right and responsibility of their role in reproduction? It seems to me that pregnancy at any age is a two-part equation, and young men should be equally educated on that fact.

He hemmed and hawed and made some asinine excuse for his oversight as 2,000 of the best and brightest of the state of Virginia cheered their approval.

So, my hope for today's election count? I hope he gets bitch-slapped.

That is all.