Monday, November 27, 2006

Communication meltdown

I have to be completely honest. I sometimes do not love the myriad ways in which we communicate via computer. I realize that it's ironic to be talking about this on the blog. There exists, however, an innate problem with electronic communication. Instant messaging, email, and especially text messaging lack several aspects of human interaction that we take for granted. For example, tone of voice is immediately lost in electronic communication. One cannot sense sarcasm, sympathy, or humor when one is presented only with words. Particularly in the example of text messaging, we tend to express ourselves in as few words as possible. I seriously dislike the substitution of "u" for "you," "2" for "to," and so forth. As someone who still writes letters (as in, the ones that require a stamp for delivery), I find these brief snippets of conversation confusing, at the very least. I don't love myspace comments substituting for real conversation. I've been a perpetrator of this on many occasions. Sometimes it's just easier to leave someone three sentences on their myspace page, rather than picking up the phone and playing a frustrating game of phone-tag. I have no defense, other than laziness.

I think, though, that the biggest part of the problem is that we've lost the ability to communicate via written word. I had several friends in college who had managed to graduate from high school having never written a paper in their lives. I'm floored by this. I love writing (obviously). I love picking through my brain to find the perfect word, the word that expresses exactly what I'm feeling. I love the sounds of words rolling off my tongue. I love that English is a language of synonyms, where verbal variety is truly the spice of life. I am someone who re-reads my own blog entries for a few days afterwards in an attempt to remove duplications of a word within a posting. And, while I recognize that this is completely Type A of me, I wish that people would consider their syntax more carefully. I hate reading something that someone has sent me and spending the day wondering, "What did that mean? Are they angry with me? What are they trying to express? Should I call them?" And I hate not knowing what to expect if I, in fact, decide to pick up the phone. I diligently work to make sure my words can be taken at face-value, that I can be comprehended both intellectually and emotionally. I'm sure I'm more successful some days than others, but I absolutely consider it every time I press "send."

So yes, this is just a short rant about communication. But it's also something that, to me, brings up the fundamental nature of friendship. If I don't care about someone enough to pick up the phone and spend 20 minutes of my life ascertaining how they are, what they're doing, etc. blah blah, then why am I attempting to keep them within my circle of friends? Now, for those of you with whom I do communicate mostly via myspace/email/blog/what-have-you, please don't take this as any indication of my feelings for you. It's just something I've been considering. I'm frustrated with my own inability to communicate how much I care about my friends. I have no conclusions tonight. I don't have any great insight into this problem. I know that I'm just an old-fashioned girl living in a world to which I absolutely must adapt. I know that I have to grow a thicker skin and not worry so much about "what did s/he mean by such-and-such." I just miss beautiful writing. I miss our ability to use our language to express what it is that we actually mean. And I'm slightly afraid that it is only going to get worse, until we are a culture of people who speak in monotone and use emoticons to convey sentiment.

Any thoughts? Am I being a pretentious you-know-what, here? I could really use some feedback on this one.

3 comments:

Nko said...

I smell you on that one a-snail. Having dated a very eloquent girl for a very long time, I've experienced many an email that was beautifully worded, and I could feel that she took a lot of time to carefully choose words that were in the context of extremely important "relationship" discussions... But even then, if I didn't quite understand something, or see exactly where she was coming from..I often felt that I would come off as insensitive if I asked her to explain further, especially in email form... (as it was obvious that she had already taken much time to explain...)

There is the advantage in the written word of having that time to choose your words, of getting to obsess over saying exactly what you mean... we often don't have that luxury even in conversation - -we often don't allow ourselves that luxury at least... but what is also missing from written word is the element of dialogue, of a communication flow that is determined by 2 (or more) people.. Email and written words have the double edged sword of being controlled by one person at a time..

I'm not sure what I'm saying now.. how ironic. Give me your address and I'll send you a letter. Or perhaps I'll just give you a call on the old ringy-dingy...

either way, I don't think you're pretentious for desiring clear and honest communication from those you care about, regardless of its form..

Anonymous said...

I think that even the written word can be taken for granted. The mere thought of a stamp today makes people of our generation stop to wonder when the price went to 39 cents. However, we must keep in mind that with growing distances between friends and family that internet communication is a cheap, easy, and quick alternative to calling and writing. I do not feel that it is a perfect substitute, but it is an option that is not as offensive as not talking with that person at all. The biggest problem is that when you mail someone (snail or e) is that you don't know if they actually got your message. I always find that a phone message is much more reliable. Having said that, you don't hear your phone ringing right now do you?

Abby said...

I absolutely agree with you both. I'm just trying to figure out how to go about bridging the gap between the very personal interaction of a phone call (or face-to-face time) and the two-word conversations used on text and myspace "comments." Gak!